Okay I have to say that this guy is changing the way that I think.  I've been attending Agape services for the last month and I cannot believe how much I am hearing this message. My adopted mother became a born again Christian when I was 16 years old. That's a tough age to have your mother completely change, but she did. It was definitely a hard pill to swallow. So, needless to say the entire organized religion thing turned me off a bit and for a while. Then when my mother lay on her death bed I had a sort of spiritual awakening that I can't describe. It was intense. I watched her pass to the other side with such ease and elegance as that woman had her entire life. Well then... I got mad.. Got mad at the conception of God and what he did to me... To leave me alone again.. To take the woman that I clung to with all my might. That lasted for a while until I got out of myself! I slowly began my journey back to believing in a power greater than myself without definitions or an official name. 

Well... Then I was invited to Agape. This journey is an amazing ride. I don't know quite yet what I'm receiving out of this, but it feels good and best of all it feels right. Last Sunday I took my daughter with me to the service. There were tons of people and I got the message loud and clear. There are times when something is delivered to you in a whisper.... and this time it wasn't yelling, but speaking very loud... I didn't miss a word that was said. So, here we go... another journey is this wonderful life.

Up... up and away!

I've recently met someone via phone that has inspired me to take a look at some old films. I've watched a bit of the Jean-Luc Godard films and was blown away with Jean Seberg. Many people have told me that I look like Jean Seberg with the pixie cut. It's a huge compliment. I find this woman fascinating!

Guess I need to run out for a trim again.

Check out of a few of the shots from the shoot on Saturday. The girls were as charming as ever. The real jewel is inside my video camera. The girls got into a fight in the car on the way home and I HAD to video tape it. Too cute... They worked it out and were very sweet at the end, but it was interesting  to watch a little 5 year old and 7 year olds get into it. The delight was watching them work it out themselves and come out closer than ever. Once we returned to the house they all jumped in the pool and of course Luke had to join them.

Stay tuned for the video!

I'm getting excited for my shoot today!

Okay I am one step closer to the gig I told you guys about. Everything is tingling inside. When I get like this I tend to reflect and dig through archives of stuff. Maybe it's a way of trying to remain humble when all you want to do is scream out loud. I stumbled across a folder titled "writings" inside the folder are letters from dear friends that I've kept for many years. 

Here are a few of the writings.

"Let us risk remembering that we never stop silently loving those we once loved out loud"

"I always felt like I was given the wrong part in the wrong play. It was a script written for someone else"

"My disconnectedness formed a distinct aura around me that people notice, but cannot recognize"

"I might have been lucky enough to be saved by being adopted - but I still experienced falling"

"In her presence I didn't like her. In her absence, I longed for her"

"How do you find out about your past when it's so tightly woven with someone else's anger, misery and frustration?"

"When I would move towards Frankie I was also moving towards the original trauma. The unexpressed grief and anger lie in ambush"

My adopted mother would read this poem to me while I was growing up:

Anxious the bird lost from the flock
The sun sets and still it flies alone
Back and forth with no place to rest
As night wears on, its cry grows sadder

Maybe all of this is why I love photographing children so much

I shot the most lovely little girl yesterday. Her name is Kacey and what a face she has. 

Things are going so well right now that my head is starting to spin. I just got off a conference call with an Art Director regarding a job I'm on hold for. This gig is insanely cool and I cannot wait to share.... Cross your fingers and your toes that I get it. 

I'm heading off to do a test shoot with a some kids that I haven't worked with before. I'm really excited as they have looks that I haven't shot in a few years. Should be interesting to see what I get. Of course I have the amazing Jeanne styling shoot along with Jen doing the hair & makeup. I'll be sure and post a few pics tonight for all to see.

Ahhh... I just want to scream out loud and jump all over the place! I am sooo freaking excited and feel so blessed today. 

My girls

The little mothers guide you, burst with pride over your accomplishments. They are critical of blockages around your creative, sensual, spiritual and intellectual. Their purpose is to help you, to care about your art, and to reattach you to the wildish instincts. They guide restoration of the intuitive life. And they are thrilled when you make contact with the doll, proud when you find the Baba Yaga, and rejoicing when they see you come back with the fiery skull before you.

The wild woman is the one who dares, and who creates and who destroys. She is the primitive and inventing soul that makes all the creative acts and arts possible. She creates a forest around us and we begin to deal with life from that fresh and original perspective.

They say that you should put out in the world what you want... I visited this open house in Manhattan Beach and it's out of this world cool. We're in the market for a new place and I have to say that this fits the bill for my gang!

Check out the spread of Kimora Lee Simmons along with her gorgeous daughters Mink and Aoki. I have to say that Kimora is an amazing mother. Those kids were awesome to be around!

You can see other images from the shoot at www.danibrubaker.com

My daughter played 3 games of Lacrosse today at the Rose Bowl and did amazing. Her father, Danny and I (I know, I know.. the Danny's) watch her kick some major booty today and you could just see how proud she was of herself. This was the first time that I've really taken my camera with me to shoot them playing. I don't consider myself a sports photographer at all, but I had a blast and found myself wondering why I haven't been doing this with every single game.  You don't need to guess that I'll be doing in the future. Her season officially starts on Tuesday. Al has such an advantage in Lacrosse being 6' tall. One of these days she's going to love her height. Her father is now only 2" taller. It's a strange feeling to have your baby looking down on you. She calls me midget!

Here's a little peak of the Right Bank Babies shoot. It's been a bit hectic over the last week. I guess Mecury and Venus in Retrograde is making everyone on edge. It's definitely not a good time to make major changes, yet all the changes that need to be made are screaming at the top of their lungs. It's like that old saying that the squeaky wheel gets the grease. I just want to put my hand over my ears and block the noise while screaming out La La La La... 

Think that would do the trick?

Talita Silva and her pup Chanel

Talita's show finally aired on Sunday. Poor little Chanel got picked on by the mean girl. Be sure to check out the show. It's pretty hilarious.

It's called Running in Heels and Talita's an intern along with 2 others for Marie Claire. Great entertainment.

Here's a sneak into the Summer 09 Billie Girls stuff. Little Lily is hilarious and such a delight to shoot.

I got put on hold for a few jobs so we'll cross our fingers and our toes!

I can't tell you how stoked I am that Jessie designed my new blog. It looks AMAZING! We have two now.. not just one, but two! More is never enough.

Every other year about this time I buy a watch for myself. I had been eyeing the Michelle K watches, but ended up getting this Burberry one. Alex and I went to the mall today so that she could interview at Abercrombie. She turns 17 in 2 weeks and every single time she walks into Abercrombie they always try to recruit her. We think she got the job, but they can't officially offer it to her until her actual birthday. Plus we need to get a work permit for her. So crazy in California... I was working at 15 and didn't have to go through what these kids do these days.

I'm back to the printing madness and getting close to being done. YEAH!